Panicked. I have no idea what time it was when Hoodoo woke me. I had closed the mesh walls of my tent to keep him contained while I slept, and I woke up to him meowing softly while pressing his face to the zippered door. I tried to shush him, coaxing him into the sleeping bag with me, even grabbing my headlamp to see if there was anything on the surrounding dunes that had his attention. Finally, when none of my attempts to quite him worked and he got progressively louder, when I began to worry about him waking our neighbors, I clipped his leash on and slid out of our tent, determined to walk him away from the others before he became a nuisance. We walked a little way under the stars and the light of a half moon, gilding the dunes and scrubs with silver, strong enough to cast shadows as we picked our way across the bowl. Hoodoo did his business while we walked, and spent a few minutes chasing gently bobbing grass heads as we passed. Eventually he quieted and we returned to the tent, but I was wide awake and didn't bother trying to sleep again. I had deliberately left my watch behind and my phone was powered down, so I had no idea what time it was, but knew in the way songbirds know that sunrise was not far off.
I was really there for the sunrise. Sure, sunset is magical and generally dramatic, but sunrise is solitary. It is soft, and quiet, and the world is still mostly asleep, Earth still breathing slowly and deeply in rest. Where sunset is burnt orange, hot pink, and deep blue shadows, sunrise is lavender, and pale yellow, and maybe even a touch of muted green. Sunrise is walking lightly as shadows recede, watching insects begin to stir. I couldn't even be annoyed with Hoodoo for waking me up, not once the sky began to lighten in the east and the stars began to fade.
Once the sun was up properly, though, I didn't linger. I packed up quickly, heading out just as my site mates were stirring. I walked back to the car, Hoodoo trailing behind, in the newly minted day, stopping occasionally for more pictures as we retraced our steps from the previous day. I wanted to spend a second night out there, a second sunset and a second sunrise, which meant hustling to the visitors center and queuing up more than an hour before they opened. I wasn't even the first one there. Two other couples around my age were already waiting on the benches by the front door when I arrived. Another single girl, Erika, joined us, and eventually we all began chatting as you do when you're all waiting for the same thing. Hoodoo was a nice ice breaker, and eventually we learned we'd all traveled from Texas for the long weekend, and none of us were born in the state, but just happened to end up there. Eventually the doors opened and we all got sites near each other, with Erika and I pairing up to share a site. She headed into town to grab some supplies while the rest of us headed out. We walked together, chatting, watching Hoodoo trail alongside us, stopping to get the sleds of their camping supplies up steep dunes, and we peeled off at our designated sites with friendly words about letting each other know if we needed anything throughout the day. I set up slowly at a site different from the one I'd been at the night before. Though we'd set out an hour earlier than I had the previous day it still got hot, and Hoodoo and I retreated into the tent for a nap while we waited for Erika to get back from town. I drifted off with the tent doors open, listening to the canvas doors flapping in the breeze.
I don't entirely know what happened next. I woke up in the air, the tent around me stretched like a sail, the few pieces of gear I'd brought into the tent with us flying around and Hoodoo in an absolute panic. I immediately went to grab his leash, confusion limiting my thoughts, and felt a pressure close over my left thumb. Somehow or another I ended up back on the floor of my tent, on the ground, twisted around myself, my gear, and my thrashing cat. My confusion left me as the gust of wind subsided and my tent collapsed in on us, trapping Hoodoo and I in a tangle of nylon canvas and aluminium poles. He panicked even more, clawing and biting blindly in a desperate attempt to free himself, tearing out of the tent while still wrapped up in his leash and harness and a jacket I tried to throw over him. As he freed himself a second gust caught us, whipping sand into our eyes and inflating the tent again. I was ready for it this time, grabbing my backpack with one hand, still laden with gear, flinging it onto my tent to keep it grounded while I tried to contain Hoodoo. Somehow, perhaps because of the great rents in the fabric or the tangled poles, somehow the tent didn't fully inflate again and lift off the ground, and I was able to get Hoodoo untangled as he took shelter under the frame of my pack, making himself as small as possible. Blood coated his leash and fear leapt into my throat, terrified that he'd been hurt. It took a few seconds for me to realize it was I who was bleeding profusely, droplets from my left hand and right wrist slicking anything I touched and being flung into the howling wind, a stream of it running down my left leg painting the white sand red. It took a few more numb seconds for the gravity of my situation to set it: I was badly hurt, had a ripped, collapsed, bloody tent, and a panicked cat who was in no way going to calm down while a sandstorm blew up around us. I have no idea how long the winds were blowing while I napped, just that I'd woken up to a building sandstorm, a dangerous situation in itself, and I no longer had even a slight shelter to try to ride it out. I needed to leave. Immediately.
Fortunately, one of the couples I'd met that morning were camped nearby, just a single dune separating us. I had to literally drag my poor cat, refusing to walk and panting with fear, too scared to leave him alone but unable to touch him, as I climbed to the top and shouted down for help. They too were sheltering in their tent but came out as I called for them, and when they reached me I was nearly incoherent, trying and failing to contain my own panic and shock as I explained I needed to leave, but needed help packing. I had a jacket wrapped around my hands in an attempt to stem the blood, but left my leg freely dripping, and I'm sure I was quite a sight, holding a bloodstained cloth, a bloodied leg, barely able to speak. I had to force myself to take deep breaths, though that resulted in swallowing the sand still flying through the air. They got the gist, though, and helped me stuff my torn tent and the few items I had pulled out before my nap into my pack, and helped me get it onto my shoulders. I left them with my number to give to Erika, hoping I'd meet my site mate on the way back to the car but still wanting her to be able to contact me if we missed each other. I had the camping permit and we'd agreed to share a few things for dinner, and I needed to get them to her if she planned on camping. The couple pulled out their first aid kit and helped me bandage my hands before I set off, and I thanked them and wished them safety as I headed back to the trail, back to the car, into the storm.
Read part one, Queen of Avoidance, here
Part two, The Calm Before the Storm, is here
And check back next Sunday for The Aftermath
Fair warning on part one, Queen of Avoidance: It is incredibly personal, and not strictly necessary to get the whole story of my time at White Sands. It's more of an explanation of why I headed to White Sands, and like I said, it gets into my head. Also, warning for talk of birth control, menstruation, and other reproductive-related topics.
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