A Snapshot and The Scoop: A Few of My Least Favorite Things

Let's talk about how much I dislike makeshift log "bridges" over rushing mountain streams. And let's also talk about how much I dislike crossing said bridges during the day when I can see, let alone having to cross them in the pre-dawn pitch black darkness of a mountain forest illuminated only by the beam of two headlamps while also being dive-bombed by bats who are attracted to the insects flitting around in the light of said headlamps. While I acknowledge that many of our summit bids in our goal to climb all 14'ers in Colorado will require us to continue beginning our hikes before dawn, that doesn't mean I have to like it. There is nothing creepier than a forest at night, and having to cross a bridge where one false move will send you plunging into icy water that promises to ruin your hike for the rest of the day while it is still dark, well, those are a few of my least favorite things. But we did it, despite my hesitation and grumpiness, and our summit bid was successful. I guess I'll just have to get over it, because I know there's more yet to come.

A Snapshot and The Scoop: Altitude Sickness

This right here is what altitude sickness looks like for us. When we're so close to being on top of the world, and have to all but curl up into ourselves to breathe through the nausea and headache. Altitude sickness can actually be very dangerous, even lethal, and though neither Torrey nor I have ever had it get to the point where we were in danger it has certainly been rather uncomfortable. It's also not something I'd want to go through alone - if I'd been hiking on my own I would have turned around and headed back to camp long before we got to this point, but we had each other and it kept me at least going forward, albeit with lots of breaks every 10 steps or so. It seems every year we climb mountains my altitude sickness gets worse; I never had a problem when I was younger, and only since moving to Texas have I noticed an issue with mountain climbing. I'm still looking for a treatment/cure that works for me, but until then I'll keep climbing mountains anyway!

A Snapshot and The Scoop: The Ohio & Erie Canal, An East Coast Epic Story

No longer in use, the remnants of the Ohio & Erie Canal preserved in Cuyahoga Valley National Park, is an overgrown yet potent reminder of America's past. Once the main mode of the transportation of goods, livestock, and sometimes even people, canals throughout the upper Midwest and Great Lakes regions served their purpose in providing safe, accessible ways to move supplies in controllable fashion, without having to worry about the pitfalls or meandering direction of the local rivers. Locks strategically placed in intervals helped keep the canal levels steady, and special boats built to fit exactly within the confines of the narrow canal were towed along by mule teams on dry ground. It's rather startling to see how ingenious people can be if given enough time and motivation, and the canal system still around today stands in as proof of human tenacity.

A Snapshot and The Scoop: Disconnect

There are very few things while travelling that make me as happy as I get when I see a Wilderness sign. Signs like this mean I'm leaving the real world behind, leaving cell service and internet and roads and cars and, for the most part, people, behind. I get to disconnect, get away, ignore reality for a little while and instead focus on myself, my hiking partner, and the world immediately around us. Because really, this IS reality, being in the moment and aware and self-reliant. If something happens out there, its up to you to figure it out, with no guarantee someone can come to help you. For some people, I dare say even most people, that can be a scary realization: that you're completely alone. But not to me. I thrive in Wilderness, I find my center, my mind calms and I don't have worries or anxieties over anything other than setting up camp before a storm pops up, and making sure I place the bear canister far enough away from the tent. Out there, I can get up with the sun and go to bed with it too, I can eat enough to fuel me through my day, I can sit and watch the world turn around me. I really can't wait to be out there again.

A Snapshot and The Scoop: My Spot

Last year's mountain climbing adventures actually left us with quite a bit of time on our hands, and we spent one afternoon just driving around, exploring Colorado by car. It was getting towards evening and we were on our way back to camp when I realized where we were - near the town of Salida, and not too far away from a favorite childhood haunt. I began looking for the turn off, going completely by landmark memory from I don't even know how many years ago. We drove past the road and I knew it immediately; I flipped a u-turn and, with mounting excitement, took the turn. Not far up the road, just inside the national forest, I found it: one of my family's favorite places to camp in Colorado, revisited year after year, affectionately named "Natasha's Spot." I'd had My Spot marked on nearly every map of Colorado I owned up until we all grew up and stopped being able to go together on week+ family trips and lost track of it after that. I hadn't even realized Torrey and I were driving close by until something about the drive jogged my memory, and at that point I knew I'd have to find it just for memory's sake. It was almost exactly how I remembered it, with the little creek rushing by and a wide empty space that perfectly fit a large tent, or a small camper. There was an additional fire ring now, two instead of just one, but the little gravel beach with the boulder overhanging the creek was still there, and I could all but see my younger self along with my sister sitting there for hours pretending we were surviving in the wilderness all on our own. I could smell the smoke from an early evening pine-wood campfire and taste the grilled potatoes my mom was so fond of making on every camping trip. I could hear my dad shuffling outside of the camper at night on us kids' side, pretending to be Big Foot and scaring my sister so bad she made me sleep against the outer wall (because what else are big sisters for but to protect you - and be eaten first?). It was way past berry season in late August, but I wondered if the strawberry patch was still there, a short (sketchy) walk across the swift stream. I don't know exactly how long I stood there among the trees reminiscing, but Torrey left me to dwell in my memories for a little while with a content smile on my face as I walked around and around, touching everything and taking way too many pictures of a few compact yards. If we hadn't had plans the next day with an already established base camp I probably would have asked if we could set up there that night, but there's always next year.

A Snapshot and The Scoop: Moonshine Questions, An East Coast Epic Story

Oh, the stereotypes of an abandoned moonshine still in the swamps of the deep south. For real though, spotting this gem of broken, sagging plywood while wandering the boardwalk at Congaree National Park brought the past to life in ways that just reading about the history of prohibition could not have achieved. How many people used this little still? Why did they choose a flood plain, swamped with water for most of the year, as a hiding place? What did they do in their day jobs, if any? Were they discovered, leading to the still being abandoned, or did prohibition finally end? So many questions, likely never to be answered. It's little details like this that make my travels so enriching, and keep me coming back for more.

A Snapshot and The Scoop: Musings on a Human Tendency, An East Coast Epic Story

Once a paved road along 15 miles of Assateague Island, a few crumbling concrete slabs are all that remains of Baltimore Boulevard. Built in the 50's and destroyed by a northeaster in 1962. A short hike among the seashore dunes takes you to a bit of this road, where you can see for yourself the devastating power of the ocean in a fury. Is it ever a good idea to build so close to a powerful, nearly unstoppable force of nature? Why is it human tendency to push boundaries and attempt the impossible? Of course, the park would be completely inaccessible to all without a boat and perhaps an ATV without a few paved roads, but what cost comes with trying to maintain permanent structures on something as fleeting as a barrier island? Visit the park and perhaps you'll find answers there.

The Happy Jar of 2019

Run-down. I have been completely open about how much I've struggled this year, and I can see it clearly in the small handful of posts I've written these past few months, especially in the posts labeled as "Musings." I talk about how tired I am, how things have been rough, how shitty I've been at writing and posting lately. Apparently, though, I've also gotten really good at lying to myself. Everything's fine, it's all good, put a smile on my face and power through. I'd gotten so good at lying to myself, and others when they'd ask how I'm doing, that it took me far too long to realize my smiles are fake, that all I am doing is sleeping, that I'm not joking when I say I don't have the energy to feed myself. I'm not entirely sure when I stopped caring about the things that make me happy; it's been at least since spring this year, though maybe even further back. Again, lying to myself. I have next to no motivation to travel, to write, and even thinking about picking up a chapter book to curl up and read for a while makes me exhausted. I still love and care for my animals, and am excited when I get to bring home something new, but my motivations for loving and caring for them have changed from doing it because I love it to doing it because they need it. And it is exhausting.

I think I first realized something was wrong as I was writing my Thanksgiving post, when I seriously sat for an hour and struggled to think of more than one thing I was thankful for in the last year. But again, I lied to myself and brushed it off as being tired. It wasn't until the following weekend when Jared, who had read my post, asked me if I was happy. My answer was an automatic "of course I am" though almost immediately I realized I was lying. But I didn't say anything. It wasn't until later that week, when Jared found me in bed after getting home from work early, sleeping right through dinner and evening animal chores and everything else that comes in the hours after work, that I verbally acknowledged that I am not okay. The next day, after sleeping for nearly 14 hours, I began looking for a therapist.

I've recently begun treatment for the depression I've desperately been trying to hide from myself and everyone else, and though I'm not okay yet, I am at least hopeful that I will be. The problem is, it's not all the time. I can be cheerful and excited and look forward to things in one moment, then eventually those emotions drain away to leave me feeling like I'm wading through a fog of exhaustion and apathy. I can easily hide my melancholy while chatting on the phone, and it's even easier over text and social media, where tone is never conveyed and I get to pick and choose what I share. But now that I've acknowledged there's something wrong, and have taken steps to get help with pulling myself out of whatever hole I've fallen into, I can work on being better. One of the exercises my therapist has me do daily is to physically write down three things I'm thankful for; the first time she asked me to tell her what I'm thankful for I struggled in silence that seemed to stretch on for hours until I finally came up with being thankful I got off work early. Another pause, then said I was thankful for my run at lunchtime. But I just could not come up with a third thing. I couldn't do it. We sat there in silence until I finally remembered it was sunny out, and blurted I was thankful for the sunshine. And I think that was the point of the exercise: to be thankful for the little things in life, to make note of even the smallest things that make you smile.

That exercise, on a bigger scale, is what I've been doing for years with my Happy Jar. I take the moments in life, big and small, anything that makes me happy, and write it down on bright slips of paper. I review those slips any time I need a reminder of happiness, and I can finally admit to myself that I've looked at that jar more this year than any other. I know that this is not going to be a quick-fix, that I've got a lot of shit in my own head to sort out, but at least now I have acknowledged there's a problem and have someone with training to help me figure it out. While I've got a long ways to go to just be okay again, here are a few things that have brought even a small dose of happiness into my life, which I'll keep in mind for however long it takes:

Please excuse me while I wax poetic about how amazing my husband is. Jared has been nothing but supportive this year, and I really wouldn't know what to do without him. He does this thing where he intentionally makes goofy faces, or pulls off ridiculous actions, just to make me laugh. And he licks my face. While it's gross, it obviously makes me giggle, and I'm pretty sure it's one of his favorite ways to get a laugh out of me.

I finally had a real garden this year! I didn't get to spend nearly enough time in it due to a broken wrist this summer, but I am pleased with how it turned out. I can't wait for planting season (which, ya know, is in a few short weeks down here!)

A constant source of joy in my life this year has been Bug, the ring-tailed lemur baby my husband and I raised from the day he was born. Those first few weeks were rough, with hourly feedings which gradually became less frequent, and constant worry that something would go wrong, but he's now nine (!!!) months old and living his best life with us. The picture of him below was taken when he was right at 24 hours old.

This year was the busiest by far for rehabbing, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I am fortunate that I had help from both Jared and coworkers in caring for the spring babies, and the coworkers mostly cared for the fall babies, which allowed us to help even more animals than if I were trying to do so alone. It always feels so good to see hard work rewarded when releasing wild babies back where they belong.

This one is super important to Jared and I, because for the last several years Marley was plagued by seizures every 5-6 weeks. We finally found a dose of medications that worked well for him and moved into a permanent home (we were renting before and didn't much like where we lived), and now he's seizure-free!

This year might as well be known as the Year of Star Wars for me. Because yeah, I AM a nerd (like my father before me)!

It's pretty well known that Jared doesn't really travel with me, and that we generally prefer it that way. Occasionally, though, we do go places together, and I love it even more. While at the beach for a friend's wedding I somehow got Jared to go into the water with me for a bit of swimming, which mostly consisted of him carrying me because I didn't want to step on a crab. The things you do for love!

I am rather proud of both myself and my dog for this one. I've never really run before this summer, and now I'm signed up for a few races in the coming months. Ghost, who failed as an adventure pup due to his fear of heights and water, has been with me on every training run possible, and he's taken to running better than I could have hoped. Plus his post-run faces are the best!

Again, Star. Wars. Nerd. Jared and I enjoy going to the movies and we saw several this year that made it into my Happy Jar (Avengers: Endgame and How To Train Your Dragon 3 to name a couple), not only because I loved the movie but also because it was a date with Jared.

2020 is going to be quite the year as I relearn how to navigate my own life and work on being better. I already know next year's Happy Jar is going to be central to helping me be positive, and I'll continue doing my daily exercises at the direction of my therapist to facilitate that. As it is, I'm happy to wave goodbye to 2019 and am looking forward to what the new year will bring.

2019 Wrap Up: It Was A Quiet Year

Muted. As far as travelling is concerned, it's been a quite year for me. I've been just exhausted this year, which has led me to choosing to stay home more often than not, spending my weekends, long weekends, and even longer breaks around holidays lounging around my house and yard. I have been able to get out and run, though, so I'm still spending plenty of time outdoors - on both streets and trails- so I'm not lacking in the sunshine department at least. I did manage to get a few trips in this year, so read on below for a recap:

I kicked off 2019 by taking a week-long vacation to the deserts of Arizona with my cat. Hoodoo and I volunteered at an ultra race along the borders of Arizona, Nevada, and Utah, then we took off on our own to explore the deserts for a few days before heading home. We saw quite a bit of Arizona on our trip, and are already looking forward to going back again in the new year.

We adopted a new dog, and I "had" to travel to pick him up from my friend/his foster mom in Oklahoma. Bullet is a gentle, incredibly affectionate shepherd and fits in with our family like he's always belonged. And yeah, seeing Julia and her family while picking him up was the icing on the cake.

Callie, Hoodoo, and I took a weekend in late March to run away and look for alligators, and to spend a night on the gulf coast. We found plenty of gators, and while Hoodoo didn't appreciate the wind off the gulf we still got in a gorgeous sunrise stroll along the coast.

Hoodoo's and my trip to White Sands National Monument (now National Park!!) was . . . not great. It began with a hot day and a spectacular sunset followed by a lovely and quiet sunrise, then devolved into chaos and whipping sand and a flying tent with its occupants (us) still in it. One terrified cat, shredded tent, and broken wrist later, I don't think I'll be visiting White Sands again for a while. It took me six weeks to physically heal, and probably way longer than that to get over the disappointment of that disaster of a trip.

Despite still being in a wrist brace I took off by myself for ten days of driving and travelling around the east coast on what might be my most epic driving adventure to date. I visited 24 states plus Washington D.C. in that amount of time, saw the borders of Canada and the Atlantic Ocean, hit a ton of state and national parks, and tent camped most of those nights. It was a much needed retreat from normal life, and one of my top adventures of the year.

For the second year in a row LeakyCon was hosted in Dallas, and for the second year in a row I got tickets! Eleven year old me would never have forgiven myself if I had the chance to see Tom Felton (who played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films) in person, and I am thrilled that I went.

For the sixth year in a row Torrey and I headed to Colorado in August, where we spent a week hiking 14,000 foot mountains, camping, sight-seeing, soaking in hot springs, and attempting but failing to backpack in sand dunes (no more sand dunes for me for a while, dammit!) We also went to Pikes Peak for the Ascent and Marathon for the sixth time, with me once again acting as cheerleader. We've got 49 more 14'ers to hike, and I can't wait for the years and adventures to come.

In September Jared and I actually travelled together and spent a weekend on the Texas Gulf Coast celebrating a friend's beautiful wedding. Not only did I get Jared to travel, but I even got him to go swimming in the Gulf with me! Talk about miracles!

Another wedding, this time for my cousin, led me back to Nebraska in October, where I hung out with family and celebrated a couple's love by partying the night away. It was a super short trip for me, with really only a single day and night with my family before turning around and heading home, but it was all the sweeter for it.

A day trip in November when Torrey came down to my neck of the woods for a visit found us in gator country along the Texas coast, where we saw quite a few of these reptiles and also made a trip to see the gulf before heading home at sunset. A long day with many hours in the car, but good company makes the miles and hours fly by.

On a random Saturday in mid-November I was heading north to meet my dad somewhere in Oklahoma to exchange a precious package: the little kitten pictured above, now named Nova, had been hit by a car the week prior while on my way in to work. I found her, began her recovery, and proceeded to bombard my family with pictures and videos of the little kitten with a bobbed tail who just wouldn't give up. My sister decided she wanted her, so my dad and I met up halfway between our homes for lunch and to get Nova to her new family. It might be the craziest adventure I've ever had: driving 12 hours for a one-hour lunch and to exchange a cat, but who cares. Nova is happy and healthy and now I get to see her any time I visit! It's a win for everyone.

Again, it's actually been a pretty quiet year this year. I travelled the least amount this year since I started tracking back in 2014, and while it seemed like it was okay while it was happening I now wish I'd made a little more effort throughout the year. Of course, some things that prevented my travels were beyond my control, but there's always next year to be more enthusiastic. Anyway, the usual stats are below:

Adventures: 11
Hours: 986.86
Miles Driven: 18,298
Total Cost: $3,078.92
States Visited: 29 plus Washington D.C.
Hiked: 59.6 miles
State Parks Visited: 6
National Parks Visited: 9
National Monument Visited: 3
National Forests Visited: 3
Wilderness Areas Visited: 1
National Seashore: 1
Navajo Tribal Park: 1
Number of Nights Tent Camping: 12
Number of Nights Sleeping IN the Car: 8
Number of Nights Backpacking: 2
Number of Nights in a Hotel: 4
Number of Nights in a House: 10
Number of Nights in an RV: 2
Animal Companions: 31
Human Companions: 33 plus various wedding guests

2020 is a new year, a fresh start, and I may or may not already have all of my vacation time planned out for the whole year. I've got several week-long trips booked already, with the first one beginning in February in the deserts. I just know this year is going to be a good one, so goodbye to the adventures of 2019 and hello to the new ones of 2020!

I'm Thankful For... V.2019

Meditative. If I'm being completely honest with myself, its been a bit of a tough year and I've struggled through most of it to remain positive, to find the things that make me smile, and to be thankful for what I have. I have been astoundingly unmotivated in nearly every aspect of my life, to the point where sometimes it is daunting to even consider putting the effort into feeding myself, let alone leave the house to travel. My writing, too, has taken a hit (as indicated by the general lack of posts lately) and no matter how much I say today will be the day that I sit down and write, it almost never is. That being said, I'm determined to get my thoughts out there while I reflect about what I'm thankful for this year knowing full well that positive thinking helps me actually be positive. I think it's also time for another review of the contents of my Happy Jar, just to remind myself of all the bright points this past year.  

The absolute highlight-best-part-of-my-year was the birth and subsequent hand-raising of my little Bug. Born at my work to the Ring-tailed Lemur troop, Bug was abandoned by his mother as soon as he was born. My husband and I stepped in to care for him, spending months of sleepless nights and days catering to his every need. Bug no longer needs round-the-clock care, but he still comes home with me every night. He is fairly independent now, no longer needing us to hand-feed him, but he still very much enjoys our company and prefers to be near us. His affection is one of the best parts of my day, his cuddles are the best, and his antics when he's playful or naughty make me laugh every time. I am so, so thankful Bug came into my life, and I am looking forward to spending the next thirty years loving him every single day.

This one is a new one for me, because up until now I never really put much thought into my body. It was something I took for granted, something that I cared for just enough to keep me going and doing whatever I decided I wanted to do. Earlier this year I realized that I really should be taking better care of this body if I want it to last, especially if I want it to take me on some epic adventures I have in the works. I began eating healthier, exercising regularly, and trying to treat my body kinder while still pushing myself past limits I thought I had. I haven't always succeeded in my efforts, but I keep trying, and have already formed better habits than the ones I'd been living with for the past however many years. Having something to train for has helped keep my focus, and I can't wait to see the successes my body will bring me in the next few years.

I could go with all sorts of cliche anecdotes about how there's never enough time, how we'll never get a day back, how we can only move forward, but I think I'll keep this one short and stick with how much I appreciate my time, especially when I use it for something I actually want to be doing. Even if I'm using my time to sit on the couch to read a book, it's still my time, and I am so appreciative of that. I am a Type-A, busybody, to-do list kind of person, and this year that has kind of crashed down around my ears. I only have a few hours of the day where I'm not working (like most of the general population, I'm sure) and while I enjoy my job I live for the times I'm not there. I like spending a Saturday on the couch reading a book while my husband watches TV, I like puttering around the yard and garden, I like watching the miles and hours fly by as I travel to wherever my heart desires. I am incredibly thankful for the time I have, and plan to cherish every second of it.

I'm pretty sure if there were a contest for World's Most Understanding Husband, mine would win hands down. I can't tell you how many times I've come home with a random animal (sometimes without any warning) and Jared's just taken it in stride. He helps me care for everything I bring home, even if it means getting up every two hours for days on end to feed an infant. Not only does he care for random animals as well as our own zoo pets, he takes on the responsibility of feeding, cleaning, and general care while I run off to the mountains, desert, or beach whenever I feel like it. If that's not true love then I don't know what is.

Ya know, even in the amount of time it took me to write this post I felt my spirits lift just a little bit. I really do have a lot to be thankful for, and while I just highlighted four of them here there are plenty of other reasons I have to smile, be happy, and thank my lucky stars. I will keep these and all the others in my heart until I can pull myself out of the funk I've been in, and will draw on them for the strength I need to make it through.

I'd love to hear what you're thankful for, especially if it might make me happy for you. Leave me a comment below and let me hear what makes you smile during this time of year.